The Beginning Of The Date
I’ve noticed a lot of girls are nervous at the beginning of a first date. If she’s nervous, I make a point to have a very relaxed, normal conversation at first. I don’t try to spike her emotions or be provocative, I just have a very unexciting conversation about her day, movies/TV, her friends and family, stuff like that.
I do this until she seems comfortable. You can (generally) tell she’s getting comfortable by the fact that her body language will loosen up, she’ll talk in longer sentences, and she’ll make stronger eye contact.
Once she’s comfortable, then I shift my focus to getting her aroused. Put simply, this means I’m going to create more tension (for a complete guide for how to do this, click here).
A lot of guys seem to think the best way to get a girl emotionally aroused is to compliment her. Compliments have their place, but they can raise a girl’s defenses- she knows that people flatter her when they want something from her.
To be honest, I rarely compliment girls- I prefer it when women don’t explicitly know what I think of them, because that leaves room for doubt and mystery. Girls can feel that you like her when you make strong eye contact and act with intent (link to intent article), it’s actually against your best interested to logically tell her what you feel.
Think about it, what makes us binge on Netflix? The fact that we don’t know what’s going to happen next, it’s the cliffhanger at the end of the episode, the unanswered question keeps us hooked. The same applies to dating. It’s why mysteriousness is such an attractive trait, and a bit part of mystery is keeping your intentions somewhat concealed.
This is also where disqualification and teasing come in, these techniques help to create a sense of mystery for the girl, “Does he like me? Does he think I’m not sexually attractive?” and the doubt that these techniques create- when done well- will make her chase you. (Read this article for an in-depth guide on disqualification and teasing)
For the most part the girl should feel that it’s on simply because you’re there and you’re making strong eye contact. Occasionally, I make sure to give her some reason to doubt whether I like her, this is how you create the “Will they, won’t they” sexual tension that women can’t resist.
Get more vulnerable
Vulnerability is a huge turn-on for women. One study found that emotionally vulnerable conversation combined with strong eye contact was able to make complete strangers experience feelings of deep love within 30 minutes of meeting each other.
Vulnerability doesn’t mean being weak or getting emotionally overwhelmed, it means getting her to trust you because you’re sharing something real with her that you normally wouldn’t tell someone you just met (and you’re getting her to do the same).
To create vulnerability, you might talk about one of your memories that had a big impact on who you are. For example, I talk about how the unexpected death of my father motivated me to make something of my life.
To be clear, I wouldn’t bring this up if it still made me emotional (that could easily come off as weak). Instead, I’m talking about what I learned from something that genuinely changed my life, it’s not uncomfortable for me, but it is still vulnerable- and thus, it helps the girl trust me, understand me, and feel a human connection with me.
Although you might not care at all if you feel a human connection with a girl before fucking her, girls care a lot. For women, sex is a much bigger commitment then it is for men (since she’s risking pregnancy or being physically hurt), so (in most cases) she needs to trust you on a deep level before she will fuck your brains out and gargle your cock. Fortunately, if you say the right words in the right way you can make a girl deeply trust you in the course of one interaction.
You don’t have to genuinely open up to create vulnerability, you just have to give her the impression that you’re opening up by talking about topics that are more emotional and meaningful than the usual surface level topics of school, jobs, pop-culture etc.
When you bring up vulnerable topics, she’ll naturally reciprocate by being vulnerable with you. When you talk about your passions, she’ll talk about her passions. When you talk about how you get frustrated with yourself for making dumb decisions, she’ll talk about how she gets frustrated with herself when she does the same, etc. etc.
Vulnerable topics include-
-Any memory that changed your life.
-Your fears (so long as you can do it without sounding butthurt or negative)
-The meaning of life (Do you think life has any meaning?)
-Anything that has emotional relevance to you or her.
Moving the date forward
There’s no reason to chat at the coffee shop (or other date location) for more than 30 minutes or so. Give her the sense that she’s being swept off her feet by continuously moving the interaction forward, not just conversationally, but also in terms of location.
Within the first 30 minutes or so of a date I’ll simply suggest, “Let’s go on a walk,” (this has never been met with resistance). It doesn’t really matter if the area you’re walking in is visually appealing, all that matters is that the two of you are going on a bit of an adventure together.
You don’t have to initiate physicality while you’re walking with the girl- if there’s sexual tension you don’t need to touch her until you’re in a bedroom- but physicality can be useful in that it will give you objective feedback that the girl likes you.
If you hold a girl’s hand while walking, you can be confident that the girl is attracted to you. If you’re unsure whether the girl you’re on a date with is attracted to you, touch can be a great way to get some reassurance.
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