Charm is like a drug.
When someone is charming, you feel so good around them that you wish they’d never leave.
Which means that once you master the art of charming women, you won’t need to chase them anymore–because they’ll start chasing you.
However, charm is a rare quality:
It requires that you do the exact opposite of what most men do when interacting with a woman. (I’ll explain what I mean in a minute.)
Charm is counterintuitive, but with the 5 tips I’m about to show you, you’ll be one of the few guys who “get it” (and who women can’t get enough of).
Let’s dive right in with the first tip for how to be charming to a girl:
1) Make It About Her
“Talk to a man about himself and he will listen for hours.” -Benjamin Disraeli
If you were to ask yourself, “Who is the most interesting person in the world?” Who would your answer be? Think about it for a second.
There’s only one honest answer: yourself.
No one is more interesting to us than ourselves.
We spend 90% of our time thinking about ourselves. We are the main character in our own story, and as a result, we find ourselves more fascinating than anyone else.
Of course, if this is true for you, it’s also true for the women you meet. (And even if it isn’t totally true for you, it’s probably true for 90% of the women you meet.)
If you can make a woman think you’re fascinating, that’s great.
But do you know what’s even better? If you can make a woman feel like she is fascinating.
Most guys try to impress women, but the most charming guys flip that on its head:
They make women feel impressive.
When interacting with a woman, talk about her, and do so in a way that is emotionally engaging.
For example, if you’re talking to a girl, and she’s making strong eye contact, you might say, “You make strong eye contact, it makes you seem really confident.”
By doing this, you’re talking about who she is and how she got to be that way. She will love talking about why she comes across as confident–who wouldn’t?
You can comment on anything about her that stands out, too… like:
- Her sense of style…
- How she has a way with words…
- The fact that she’s infectiously positive…
And the list goes on.
But remember, your comments should be specific to the woman you’re talking to. Whatever it is that makes her unique or interesting, talk about that.
2) Make The Conversation Emotional
When learning how to be charming to a girl, the next step is to make the conversation emotional.
When doing this, make sure you avoid getting too factual. Many guys treat an interaction with a woman like a job interview. They ask questions like:
- “What do you do for a living…?’
- “Where are you from…?”
- “What is your favorite food…?”
A resume exchange doesn’t make for very exciting conversation. It’s OK to ask a girl basic questions like what she does for a living, but make sure to follow it up with something more emotionally engaging.
For example, if she says she’s a nurse, you might follow up with, “Is that as hard as it sounds?” or, “That must be a rewarding career.”
Afterward, she’ll be prompted to talk about her experience–that’s where it starts to get interesting for her.
When she’s talking about her life, you don’t need to agree or disagree with her, just listen and show interest.
Many guys feel the need to turn every story into something about them:
“Nursing sounds hard, but my job is even harder, blah blah blah.” There’s no need for that–let her finish her thoughts.
If you did a good job of listening, you’ll know because she’ll want to talk about you afterward, i.e., “Anyway, that’s why I chose that career, what do you do?”
A great way to measure whether you’re making the conversation about her is to notice whether she asks questions about you.
If she’s not asking questions about you, it indicates that you’re either talking about yourself too much or you’re interrupting her too much.
If you give her the chance to share her experiences and really listen without needing to make it about you, you’ll stand out from all the self-centered guys she meets.
She’ll see you as someone who has genuine charm.
3) Compliment Her, But Do It Right
When a guy likes a girl, what one thing is he more likely to compliment her on than anything else?
Her physical attractiveness, of course.
Telling a girl she’s pretty can be flattering, yes, but it’s also boring and unspecific.
She probably hears that she’s beautiful on a regular basis. If you tell her she’s attractive*, you risk getting categorized with all the other guys who are just interested in her for her looks.
The most powerful compliments, instead, are about who she is as a person. Telling a girl she’s a good storyteller is way better than telling her she’s pretty (because it’s much more personal).
You can take it up a notch by making it specific. For example, instead of just telling her she’s a good storyteller you could say, “Have you considered doing standup comedy? Your stories are hilarious.”
The compliment will always be more powerful if it’s true–women have a radar for inauthenticity. Don’t just tell every girl she’s hilarious. Notice what makes her interesting, and compliment her about that.
*When you know a girl well, don’t be shy to tell her she’s attractive. But when you first meet her, it’s a trite compliment compared to something specific and about who she is as a person.
4) Positivity Is Infectious
I used to be bitter that my university required me to take math classes for my psychology degree. Because it was something I thought about a lot, I would often bring it up in conversation with women I met:
Me: “They make me take math classes for my psychology degree, it’s so pointless. Do you have to take pointless classes for your degree, too?”
Her: “Um, I guess so.”
Me: “Yeah, it’s dumb, blah blah blah…”
Eventually, I noticed that whenever I brought this up, my conversations started to go downhill. Looking back, it’s obvious why–I was being negative.
Complaint and charm don’t go together. When you meet a woman, it’s a chance to have fun and to make a connection. But if you get negative, it starts to feel like a therapy session.
When you complain, it’s all about you. You’re venting to the person to get something off your chest. It’s natural to vent sometimes to your best friends or your family, but not to someone you just met.
So keep it light, and keep it positive. Women don’t want to have a serious conversation with a guy–they want to have fun. If you’re negative, you can’t be fun.
Remember, charm is all about making people feel good–about themselves and about you. Don’t bring up topics that stress you out.
For example, if she asks you about your job, don’t talk about how you’re worried that you won’t get a promotion. Instead, talk about how interesting the work is.
If you keep your conversations positive, women will feel good around you, and as a result, they’ll want to spend more time with you.
Most men pursue women, but as a charmer, you’ll get women to pursue you.
If you want to learn a step-by-step guide to becoming the charming man who women can’t resist, check out Irresistible.