If you want a better dating life, you probably don’t need to master the apocalypse opener, the October sequence, or perfect the subtleties of the ‘cube’. Instead, if you want to get results, improve on the fundamentals. The basic skills that matter most.
But, how do you do this?
Most mistakes in game come down to a lack of awareness of the four fundamentals of game:
-You might be unaware of what the girl is feeling, and why she’s feeling that way.
-You might be unaware of the fact that you’re falling for terrible rationalizations.
-You might be unaware that the girl liked you, but she lost interest because you failed to lead.
-You might be unaware that you are too pushy and you scare girls off.
The most important skill to develop in game is self-awareness. Awareness isn’t built through some pickup trick, it’s built through honest, shameless self-inquiry. To become more self-aware, you must start to ask yourself the right questions. As you do this, you’ll start to become conscious of mistakes you were previously blind too, with awareness, your blindspots will be easy to overcome.
In this article, I’m going to outline the most useful questions to ask yourself when you’re out so you can master the four fundamentals of game by developing your self-awareness.
Am I Leading My Interactions Enough?
One of the most common mistakes men make when interaction with women is they don’t lead their interactions forward. They approach a girl, she’s receptive, they chat, and chat, and chat… until, eventually, the interaction starts to feel like it’s going nowhere and the girl says, “Well, I have to go find my friends, it was nice to meet you.”
When a girl is receptive it’s very tempting to keep doing what’s working. Men tend to avoid taking risks that might “rock the boat” when they’re in an interaction that’s going well. They hesitate to go for the kiss, lead her to another area, or sexualize the interaction. This is attraction suicide.
Here’s the harsh truth: guys who lead effectively get the best results. Hell, I’ve seen guys who aren’t charismatic or charming at all pull extremely attractive girls because they lead hard. In many cases, leading will get you more results than ‘good game’ will.
So, what exactly do I mean by leading? Leading is anything that moves an interaction towards sex. In many cases leading is as simple as moving the girl to another area. For example, if you’re in a club you might invite her to get some fresh air or to join you at the dance for. If you’re doing daygame, you might invite her to get some coffee with you for an instant date.
Leading also includes physical escalation (touching her, holding hands, kissing, etc.), either way, leading is what gives an interaction forward momentum. It prevents the girl from feeling awkward after chatting with you in the same place for fifteen minutes.
Ask yourself if you’re leading your interactions enough. Are you suggesting moving to another area? Are you being physical? Or are your interactions stagnating because you can’t transition out of nice small talk?
If you find that you’re not leading enough, a simple solution is to make a habit of attempting to lead every interaction in one of two ways.
- Try to physically move the girl in each interaction, “Let’s get some fresh air/coffee/etc,” or
- Try to initiate physicality in each interaction by touching the girl’s shoulder/dancing with her/etc.”
This is such a common mistake, and if you don’t overcome it, you’re not going to get the results you want. Women are very rarely going to lead an interaction for you, if you have trouble leading interactions, dozens of girls might like you, but nothing’s going to happen with any of them. Start leading and your results will dramatically improve.
What Rationalizations Am I falling for?
You see her walking by, she’s gorgeous. You feel an uncomfortable combination of anxiety and excitement as you decide whether to approach her. You see that she’s walking quite briskly and you think, “Well, she’s in too much of a hurry, I don’t want to bother her.” You decide not to approach her; you’re not the kind of guy that bothers people in a hurry.
We rationalize when we feel a negative emotion and make up a seemingly logical explanation for that negative emotion. In the above example, you don’t really care that she’s walking briskly, you’re just feeling approach anxiety and your brain is coming up with an excuse to avoid facing your fear. The fact that she seems busy registers in your mind as a logical enough excuse, so you buy into it.
Ultimately, rationalizations are one of the biggest mistakes we all make that prevent us from getting the results with women we want. We all do it, and we all do it often:
“She’s too hot,”
“She’s not hot enough,” “
“She’s with a guy, it’s probably her boyfriend who will beat me up,”
“She looks like she’s in a deep conversation,”
“I shouldn’t kiss her right now, I need to wait for the signal.”
“I’m not going to pull this girl tonight, she’s not that kind of girl, she’s special- I’ll go on a few dates with her first.”
Whenever you hesitate with a girl, whether it is to approach her, kiss her, pull her, etc., ask yourself, “Was that a rationalization?” There’s a good chance you’ll find that the answer is yes. After you catch a rationalization in that way, the next time the same rationalization comes into your mind, you’re less likely to fall for it. Then, because you know your excuse is bullshit, you’ll have no excuse but to suck it up and do the approach, lean in for the kiss, etc.
If you want a more extensive guide for how to catch your own rationalizations, check out the: ultimate guide to writing field reports.
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