Am I Calibrating Effectively?
So much of game is understanding what the girl is feeling, and responding appropriately. If a girl is uncomfortable because you’re coming on too strong, you need to pull back and take the pressure off. If a girl is bored because you’re not engaging her emotionally enough, you need to spike her emotions to provoke her engagement.
Whether you’re coming on too strong or not strong enough, you can fix this with proper calibration. But you have to know which mistake you’re making.
Ask yourself if the girls you talk to seem bored: are they polite but not adding much too the interaction? Not enough engagement.
Do they seem like they’re backing away when you talk to them? Are they nervous? Do they frequently mention that they have a boyfriend? Too much pressure.
If you find that you’re not engaging enough, learn to use some emotional spikes (link to article) to make her engage. Here’s an example from the book, The Seduction Blueprint:
“The easiest strategy to build a habit of adding strong emotions into your interactions with women is to use the words, ‘I hate,’ and ‘I love.’ When you meet a girl, throw out these two phrases regularly to spike her emotions and keep the conversation from being too polite and stale.
For example, if a girl says she’s from California, you might say, ‘California? I hate California.’ Or you can say, ‘California? I love California!’
It doesn’t matter at all whether the statement is true, the point is simply to learn to get comfortable with being polarizing.
Don’t expect to get dramatic reactions from this, women aren’t going to drop their panties because you injected some emotion into your phrasing. However, adding ‘I hate’ and ‘I love’ is a powerful learning tool. If you say, ‘You like Twilight? I hate Twilight’ And the girl gets offended or upset, you probably weren’t saying it in a fun way. You were being judgmental or negative.
Injecting strong emotions is important, but they can’t be entirely negative, you don’t want to be purely insulting. Instead, you’re teasing her, challenging her, it’s like a playful poke. If women aren’t responding well to your negative “I hate you” emotional spikes you can use this feedback to adjust your delivery until you start getting good reactions consistently from your use of the phrase.
You can respond to just about anything with, “I love” or, “I hate,” you can use it in response to her name, her favorite TV shows, her profession, even the color of her shirt.
Expect it to take some time to master the skill of adding emotional spikes to your interactions effectively. This isn’t an exercise you can practice for a couple days and then abandon. It will take several weeks to make this into a genuine habit, and although this may seem like a lot of effort, the results will be worth it.”
If, however, you find that you’re too pushy, you must learn to show understanding. To do this, start by giving the girl physical space. If you’re standing, you can literally take a step back. This shows that you understand that you’re putting on too much pressure and that you respect her enough to give her more physical space. Afterwards, make a statement of empathy like, “Oh, I’m sorry, I know I’m pretty out there sometimes,” or, “I know I can be kind of awkward, sorry about that,” afterwards, change the topic and continue the conversation like normal.
You’re not apologizing because you regret what you did, you’re apologizing to show her that you understand you were making her feel uncomfortable. If you come off as guilty when you say it, it can backfire- the key is to say it with confidence. This will communicate that you know you made her feel uncomfortable, and you can respect her boundaries, but you’re not afraid or guilty about what you did.
Once you learn to calibrate your interactions effectively, you will find yourself able to flip a lot of ‘maybe’ girls into ‘yes’ girls. Girls that were on the fence will appreciate your social savvy, and many times, change their mind about you because of your calibration.
(In general, if you’re making girl’s uncomfortable, by putting too much pressure you may want to learn to give the girl space to invest by using scarcity- here’s a detailed article for how to do so-)
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